beauty

Listening to Corrine May , 

I naturally moved my body slowy , 

making arches with arms , 

bending , turning slowly , 

feeling freedom ,

Appreciating the art of dance. 

I found myself to really like ballet .

Or maybe modern ballet , if there is such a thing .

But I guess I'm just too heavy weight for that kind of thing .

Maybe i should just keep this a secret of mine , 

and face my windows that acts as a mirror at night .

Seriously , I should be more optimistic .

and seriously , I think its about i time i should get back .

and seriously , I should learn to listen to advices , for example the " despo theory ",

Danny said i was going through .

Ivy Gan Shea Yin . Lovely name don't you think ?

she's sweet . 

A mesmerising smile . Beautiful lips .

she has an elegant posture . 

attractive eyes . 

speaks english , yet has a strong chinese base .

the kind i would always have wished for .

is she going to be the one .

gosh , i remember the last time I felt like this ,

the last time I let my heart flail .

remembering the times i was burnt out ,

emo-lised . 

I hated all that . 

Just because she didn't love me the way I love her . 

will history repeat itself ?

wake up fatboy .

Run .

Haivng weird dreams lately .

only to find they were all very meaningful.

dream 1: I was crying , being touched by God .

dream 2: I was forced into an arranged marriage by my parents . with a 12 year old girl . I'm not going to say who

dream 3: I was chased by zombies . 

seriously , nobody would have understood these dreams.

Until joseph told me the meaning ,

1. God showed me he was going to change me , heal me from inside , thats why i'm crying .

2. My parent's represent a authority figure . And god shows me that i have to trust him , when it comes to love matters .

3. i'm chased by problems that never die , I should face them instead of running .

besides that , i'm seeing things .

like people who look exactly like yee sue anne .

there was this girl in form 2 in my school ,

i was stunned at how similiar her features were alike of sue anne .

she did that exact same " look up " move sue anne gave me during teenz camp .

seriously , i hate it .

i hope she has already understood what i meant .

and forgiven me  .

sadly.

valiante

Adios Caleb Changra Pillay .

. Caleb Chandra Pillay .

Man of a Mighty God

With greatest thanks , and gratitude

I say from the bottom of my heart ,

Thank you for being a friend .

A Lil history of me and caleb :

I Got to know Caleb as long as my memory could tell me . I think as young as 3. But my guess is he knew me even i was younger . He was three years older than me , and still is . I remember playing with him a lot when i meet him every friday ( in care group ) and sunday ( in church , the bakawali lot .) And I remember the time when I Boasted how hard it was to spell the word C.A.R ( i was 4 and he was 7 ) , and he embarrassed me by spelling it in my face almost intantly =x .hahhahaha , it was funny then .I got to know Caleb Chandra's full name when i was 4 , when his brother( joseph ) told me.

At age 5 , I got to trully understand that he is a half chinese and half indian , and to know that his father is an indian ( cause i always thought indians have a red dot between the eyes =x ).

Around 7 we were good friends , with a bunch of other children whose parent's were pioneers of the church . There were , me , Caleb , Joseph , Denise , Nicole , Zachary ( zoe wasn't born yet , sorry ) , Sameul , Sarah , Sharon, Joel , Rebekah , Benjamin , Charissa , Belicia , Jeremy , Janice , Joanne , Aaron and maybe someothers that my memory has failed to tell me =x .We were young and WE ..... RUN FREE .... hahaa . It was good memory . I remember the time where all the kids had differrent generation of digimon gadgets and Takamochi digital pets , my parents and calebs parent's didn't want us to play , and so we were like the kids who stood together and watch the others play .... ish i sound so dramatic . haha ....

Around 10 , i got see him lesser , as I don't see him that much anymore , because there was a new service in church call the sat night service . And I attend the sunday morning services . So we dun meet.

Around 13-15 , I started to stay back after TEENz ( which was before sat night services ) to have guitar classes . So i got to talk to them more often . We talk more and became Really good friends . We talked about music , life and Girls . Speaking about girls , I remember in 2006 , when i went to G.A.P missions in thailand with him , we slept in the same Wooden Chalet on the hills . We slept together on the wooden floor and talked all night about girls , NOT KNOWING WE WERE HEARD BY THE GIRLS IN THE NEXT CHALET . ( Crap!!! ) . So yeah , it was quite memorable . I remember him having girl problem when Miss Foon yew girl , Miss E , and RBC came into his life one after another . Thus , making him a good advisor for me when different girls came in my life too ( Okay i'll make it fair , they were miss tkl , miss k.o, miss S.a , miss J.L ) . But still , despite his numerous advices , i still played with fire and got burned ( sorry bro) . We became good music mates as sometimes supply him with new Christian music and he suplies me with some good stuff too . I remember the time when we had a rave for switchfoot and later Relient K ( it was then i was severely Punk-e-tized. =p )

At 15 , We wrote our first song together , " Catch the Fire " which became the TEENz Camp 2007 camp song . Around the same year , we had crazy ideas like starting a small designing company call " GOBSMAK " of which never came to be . haha ... In the same year i went in to some deep girl problem , where he stood by me . And of which i thank him too .

At 16 , We were into things a lot , trying to write more songs , tried out new stuff , trying to join band competitions. I went into higher ranks in WMM Musicians as he got into a higher level to as he started worship leading. We jam a lot after sat night services , always me caleb and Jospeph ( my loyal friend and drummer ) . We discuss about music , dynamics in music , and how those music would help us . We became "quite the same" in the way we rate girls , have about the same taste of music , really good friends .

At 17 , we wrote our last song before he left for tasmania , its not done yet , but it will be . Soon .

Yesterday , I was there to see him off , to go into the departure gates , i didn't cry . And i'm not sure why . Maybe becuse i'm happy for him , to see how God has led him to greater heights , greater levels of life . I truly thank God for a friend like him .

Vincent Tan .

Friend, And Fellow Song Writer , bandmate . =]

( ps: this written for you , caleb , hope you saw this =].)