beauty

Listening to Corrine May , 

I naturally moved my body slowy , 

making arches with arms , 

bending , turning slowly , 

feeling freedom ,

Appreciating the art of dance. 

I found myself to really like ballet .

Or maybe modern ballet , if there is such a thing .

But I guess I'm just too heavy weight for that kind of thing .

Maybe i should just keep this a secret of mine , 

and face my windows that acts as a mirror at night .

Seriously , I should be more optimistic .

and seriously , I think its about i time i should get back .

and seriously , I should learn to listen to advices , for example the " despo theory ",

Danny said i was going through .

Ivy Gan Shea Yin . Lovely name don't you think ?

she's sweet . 

A mesmerising smile . Beautiful lips .

she has an elegant posture . 

attractive eyes . 

speaks english , yet has a strong chinese base .

the kind i would always have wished for .

is she going to be the one .

gosh , i remember the last time I felt like this ,

the last time I let my heart flail .

remembering the times i was burnt out ,

emo-lised . 

I hated all that . 

Just because she didn't love me the way I love her . 

will history repeat itself ?

wake up fatboy .

Run .

Haivng weird dreams lately .

only to find they were all very meaningful.

dream 1: I was crying , being touched by God .

dream 2: I was forced into an arranged marriage by my parents . with a 12 year old girl . I'm not going to say who

dream 3: I was chased by zombies . 

seriously , nobody would have understood these dreams.

Until joseph told me the meaning ,

1. God showed me he was going to change me , heal me from inside , thats why i'm crying .

2. My parent's represent a authority figure . And god shows me that i have to trust him , when it comes to love matters .

3. i'm chased by problems that never die , I should face them instead of running .

besides that , i'm seeing things .

like people who look exactly like yee sue anne .

there was this girl in form 2 in my school ,

i was stunned at how similiar her features were alike of sue anne .

she did that exact same " look up " move sue anne gave me during teenz camp .

seriously , i hate it .

i hope she has already understood what i meant .

and forgiven me  .

sadly.

valiante

Adios Caleb Changra Pillay .

. Caleb Chandra Pillay .

Man of a Mighty God

With greatest thanks , and gratitude

I say from the bottom of my heart ,

Thank you for being a friend .

A Lil history of me and caleb :

I Got to know Caleb as long as my memory could tell me . I think as young as 3. But my guess is he knew me even i was younger . He was three years older than me , and still is . I remember playing with him a lot when i meet him every friday ( in care group ) and sunday ( in church , the bakawali lot .) And I remember the time when I Boasted how hard it was to spell the word C.A.R ( i was 4 and he was 7 ) , and he embarrassed me by spelling it in my face almost intantly =x .hahhahaha , it was funny then .I got to know Caleb Chandra's full name when i was 4 , when his brother( joseph ) told me.

At age 5 , I got to trully understand that he is a half chinese and half indian , and to know that his father is an indian ( cause i always thought indians have a red dot between the eyes =x ).

Around 7 we were good friends , with a bunch of other children whose parent's were pioneers of the church . There were , me , Caleb , Joseph , Denise , Nicole , Zachary ( zoe wasn't born yet , sorry ) , Sameul , Sarah , Sharon, Joel , Rebekah , Benjamin , Charissa , Belicia , Jeremy , Janice , Joanne , Aaron and maybe someothers that my memory has failed to tell me =x .We were young and WE ..... RUN FREE .... hahaa . It was good memory . I remember the time where all the kids had differrent generation of digimon gadgets and Takamochi digital pets , my parents and calebs parent's didn't want us to play , and so we were like the kids who stood together and watch the others play .... ish i sound so dramatic . haha ....

Around 10 , i got see him lesser , as I don't see him that much anymore , because there was a new service in church call the sat night service . And I attend the sunday morning services . So we dun meet.

Around 13-15 , I started to stay back after TEENz ( which was before sat night services ) to have guitar classes . So i got to talk to them more often . We talk more and became Really good friends . We talked about music , life and Girls . Speaking about girls , I remember in 2006 , when i went to G.A.P missions in thailand with him , we slept in the same Wooden Chalet on the hills . We slept together on the wooden floor and talked all night about girls , NOT KNOWING WE WERE HEARD BY THE GIRLS IN THE NEXT CHALET . ( Crap!!! ) . So yeah , it was quite memorable . I remember him having girl problem when Miss Foon yew girl , Miss E , and RBC came into his life one after another . Thus , making him a good advisor for me when different girls came in my life too ( Okay i'll make it fair , they were miss tkl , miss k.o, miss S.a , miss J.L ) . But still , despite his numerous advices , i still played with fire and got burned ( sorry bro) . We became good music mates as sometimes supply him with new Christian music and he suplies me with some good stuff too . I remember the time when we had a rave for switchfoot and later Relient K ( it was then i was severely Punk-e-tized. =p )

At 15 , We wrote our first song together , " Catch the Fire " which became the TEENz Camp 2007 camp song . Around the same year , we had crazy ideas like starting a small designing company call " GOBSMAK " of which never came to be . haha ... In the same year i went in to some deep girl problem , where he stood by me . And of which i thank him too .

At 16 , We were into things a lot , trying to write more songs , tried out new stuff , trying to join band competitions. I went into higher ranks in WMM Musicians as he got into a higher level to as he started worship leading. We jam a lot after sat night services , always me caleb and Jospeph ( my loyal friend and drummer ) . We discuss about music , dynamics in music , and how those music would help us . We became "quite the same" in the way we rate girls , have about the same taste of music , really good friends .

At 17 , we wrote our last song before he left for tasmania , its not done yet , but it will be . Soon .

Yesterday , I was there to see him off , to go into the departure gates , i didn't cry . And i'm not sure why . Maybe becuse i'm happy for him , to see how God has led him to greater heights , greater levels of life . I truly thank God for a friend like him .

Vincent Tan .

Friend, And Fellow Song Writer , bandmate . =]

( ps: this written for you , caleb , hope you saw this =].)

17th birthday

A very blessed Birthday to me . I know I have been extremely estatic today . its like i've seriously taken some estacy .

Thanks to my father who text me eventhough he's in some island in china.

And mom too .

Thanks to my lovely bunch of classmates , who yelled " Happy Birthday Vincent " in the compound where thousands of students gather . Getting so much attention, I returned a graceful bow in gratitude.hahahha

thanks to Philip tan from melbourne , Agnes from Ohio State Uni , US . Rebekah cheng from UK . Zhen yang from KL . Denise Ong From KL .

And Jeremy and Joanne Chian , Amy Liew , Caleb Chandra , Ong Xi Zhe . Tew Bai Er ,Luke Lim , Peter Ng , Aunty Lynn , Uncle Koon ....From JB .

And of course special thanks to my respected aunt Ming Hui , who gave me some good advices .

Special thanks to my cell leader joseph lok . and a bunch of people he brought to my house IN A VAN . Charles , Sarah , Salem , Joshua goh , hui peng .

Thanks to Amy and huihui , who sang me a happy birthday song .

Thanks to my fellow prefects , who wanted to a-lo-ba , me , but didn't have enough people to carry me . hahhaha

thanks to janet , eventhough i know you couldn't wish me happy birthday .

Thanks to all those people who did wish me happy birthday , and I forgot , really sorry . But you guys were cool too .

And thanks to those people who said would buy me a gift on birthday But didn't , never mind , you thoughts were counted . still love you guys .

thanks to all of you , you guys have made me one happy man .

Vincent , Birthday Boy . =]

birthday

My birthday is tomorrow . wish me .

Not the ordinary "happy Blessed birthday "

But something from you heart .

Something that makes feel how special I am to you .

Just remember , I will do the same for you .

ah.....crap . wad am I talking about .

Just wish me .

i'll be more than happy that you did . =] 

i'm apologetic

Have I brought you pain ?

-Four times .

How I felt about it ?

-I felt regretful .

Wad am I thinking of ?

-What was it that I've done to bring you pain .

Why ?

-Because it hurts me to know that I've hurt you unconsiously .

Describe your current feelings .

- I'm apologetic .

Are we wearing a masks . an invisible masks . A mask that conceals our identity ? A masks that deceives people of who you really are ? Which sums up to a question , who or what are you ?

So many question bursts in my head,

Questions that were asked throughout the ages .

Who am I ?

Am I wearing a mask ?

Are you ? Vincent , vincent .

Why the different appearance ?

Why the different atitude?

Why the different behaviour ?

Are you real ?O Vincent , vincent .

questioning about his existant ,

when he was there all the time you needed him most.

Future ,past or present .

Who are you ? 

The one i see in the mirror .

The one with eyes filled with anger .

The one I felt so familiar with .

Are you a mask , a put on ?

One I use to play my drama ?

Just an act ?

Is this who I am? or is this just reality .

If i'm also an act , a mask wear ,

why do I then condemn you  ?

Was it because I felt cheated .

or isit because I feel so much pain inside , 

Is it because i fell in love with a mask ?

Did I really fell in love , with a mask ?

questions ... masks ... hatred ...

I hate the sight of you . Away from me .

I beg of you.

Arte of sadness

Janet's a beauty ,

Like a snowy ferret .

But've hurt my dignity ,

As slow as a ballad .

Looking for the truth ,

Not so delightful ,

Living with lies ,

Always regretful .

Urged by my curiosity ,

I discovered you ,

The reality that i should have known,

That has pierced me through and through .

And a thousand apologies my dear tears,

You couldn't find your way.

Now that i received these compelling emotion ,

I gladly release you in a beautiful array.

What is this feeling ,

Its like he seem to know it since the beginning ,

He told me he shed tears at my story ,

But he was the story .

But he remains ,

My brother in fellowship,

My comrade in battle .

My friend for life .

Father , into your hands ,

I leave my plans,

Guard my heart , relieve my soul .

As I find rest in you . 

My refuge .