Vincent- onetwothree. Update

Listening to " I'm yours ". Something in me is fighting back though. Maybe because I belong to Jesus. No one else.

Oh well , my model is done. Not satisfied though. I'm just no Good with big fingers like these. I now admire people who can cut papers into alphabets , because darn , its hard. Imagine cutting 0.5mm grooves into the 1mm board.

I have to focus on God. Thats the only reason she's always around me. Its the only lesson I have not learnt yet. But I will. Just you watch.

Anyway, Model 3 is finishing soon. Drew a self portrait today , thought that my drawing looks more handsome than the me. hahaha. Hope tomorrow will be a good day.

Vincent

Beautiful

Has it ever occurred to you , that flowers are so beautiful.

Has it ever blow you mind away, how much time we waste on facebook.

Have you wake up in the morning thinking what's to be done today,

That I didn't accomplish yesterday.

craping

"I wanna treat girls right. Protect them. be a gentleman."

I went to lavender today , didn't think there would really be a place calleb by that. Oh well, to do my student pass. Didn't really think i would be lost, but the place's a mess, terrible architecture.

I'm just going to crap about today, so if you're not in for it, don't read on.

1. I'm blinded again. I'm don;t want to trust myself anymore. Sooner or later, i must face her, so i've decided i would. =]

2. I'm madly in love with her, though 3 months ago marks 5 years. I guess not getting something makes you wanna get it all the more aye ?

3. this is crap dun read.

4. Have you ever felt so lonely like you're a lil boy riding his tricycle on a empty highway leading to nowhere in the middle of a desert.

5. Have you loved someone so much you just feel so hard against yourself, and you just want to scream so loud, and deafen the whole world around you.

6. Have you ever felt afraid of going somewhere alone, to someplace you've never been? I have, and how i wish she was there by my side.

7. I'm not ready for a relationship.

8. Sux

9. I can't find a reason to hate her, maybe that's why I can't stop loving her.

10. Should ask her for a reason to hate her? Even then would she let me know her.

11. Here's the thing, I love her , but she doesn't. So I find a reason to hate her , of which i don't. But the thing is, the part that would make me hate her would be the inner most part of her, oh which she will only open to those whom are closest to her, whom she trusts.

And I am not.

I'm not ready for a marriage, because i'm not working.

I'm not ready for a relationship, because i have problems of my own, and being in a relationship will only AMPLIFY the problem. Not solve it.

God I love you, you know I do. Help me love you more.

Bang..... ah.... its nothing.

phew..... i miss caleb

pff.... i should focus..

darn my perspective drawing is good. But i can't say that, because that means i have pride.

=-0=-0=-0=-0=-0=-0=-0=-0=-0=-0-=0

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321321321321321321

654465465498798648512245767854.

38388828883.4864656545665.

0.523817694

-_-

valiante

what scares you?

As a little boy, I was big. I thought i fear nobody. I was the biggest guy in class when I was in kindergarden, I was the fastest growing boy in primary school. By primary four i needed to buy clothes from secondary school. On my first day in secondary school I was mistaken as a senior student. When I was 14, I was mistaken 35 when I wore glasses, checker shirt , and a mouth that kept shut. However, I was always afraid of one thing, and that was relations to people.

I'm afraid of Good relationships with guys, because that means I need to sacrifice certain things for them. I'm afraid of Good relationships with adults, because I have no idea what they are thinking about me. I'm afraid of Good relationships with children , because I have to be responsible for them.

Most of all, I'm afraid of Good relationships with girls, because I love easily , and I love deeply. On and off , there were some girls I desire for some time , but never was one as desirable than the one I've been in love with for the past 5 years , 3 months , and around 3 days.

What scares you ?

Her existence in my life , her ability to keep thinking about her every single day, her capability of making ga-gah when I see her, and the fact that she is making me constantly thinking of solutions to resolve our issue.

God, is there a resolve ?

because God, if there isn't , please , I beg of you , knock me over, and extract the memories of her from me.

She scares me.

Vincent.