Blind.

Maybe I should be feelings-ly blind. it feel much better.

This time.

I want to love Jesus.
i want live out loud.
I want to be myself , that is if I know who am I.

you know, the sound of chinese drums and fire krakers is really spoiling my Emo mode.
oh well, she's appearing in my dreams more and more often these days. I really should keep my distance now. Hope she understands , like she always does.

Heard this song called "This Time" by Jonathan Rhys Meyers in a movie called "August Rush".
It pretty much sang out how I feel. Though it didn't feel right ,but I have the right to feel , right ?

so here's the chorus that caught my attention.
I've been sitting watching life pass from the sidelines
Been waiting for a dream to seep in through my blinds
I wondered what might happen if I left this all behind
Would the wind be at my back ? Could I get you off my mind
This time






Valiante

Updatte : I'm losing.

I'm seriously Losing Friends.

I feel all alone sometimes.

Its not that there are none.

Just none that shares the passion.

Just none that could be there for me , constantly.

Just none that is of my age , my lifestyle.

I want to lay down my life for Jesus ,

But who will be by my side ?

Jesus ain't no man , he is God.

And maybe sometimes I still need company from man.

If only God could become like a man , a friend , to me.

Someone that could talk crap with me ,

Listen to me Emo , and talk rubbish .

Today at prayer , it felt like I was the only one.

No one could feel the burden that I feel.

It felt like I was the only one left in my generation that has such zeal to burn for God.

My dad told me " You must be able to be alone, yet not lonely ."

But i'm not alone , yet i'm lonely.

God give me friend , that is not a girl to tempt me mind.

God please give me friend that would encourage me to love you more.

God , I'm begging you. Open my eyes to see.

I'm tired.

Valiante.

test

You Scored as Musical/Rhythmic learner You like to: Sing, hum, listen the music, play an instrument and move to the music. You highlight in: Singing, recognizing sounds, remembering melodies, notice rhythms and tones and maintaining the time. You learn better: When listening music, rhythms, melodies and songs. You can improve your weakest areas too. Want to know how? There are many articles on Internet: http://www.google.com/search?q=Multiple+Intelligences Musical/Rhythmic learner 90% Visual/Spatial learner 86% Corporal/Kinesthetic learner 79% Logical/Mathematical Learner 68% Intrapersonal learner 65% Verbal/Linguistic learner 59% Interpersonal learner 55% Naturalist learner 48%

Update

Followed a tut. New prac.

the following is just a spam of my thoughts for today.

Recently , I've been telling myself to find the beauty in the broken , to have compassion for the poor. Nah~ didn't have the slightest sign of it. I went into homes , lots of them . Different backgrounds , different ppl .

From the not so rich , to the richy-rich. From the not so moralled ppl to the high and mighty, materialistic ppl. Its a greatr contrast. Sometimes its just such a confusion when it comes to my self image. When I'm with the lower classed ppl , I feel the tendency to judge them for their illed morality . When I'm with the high classed ppl , I feel an unmistakable pressure to keep myself well behaved and calm. It felt like as if I don't belong. Sitting on the same table with millionaires , eating short cakes and drinking coffee from nice flowery cups on beautifully designed saucers that has a tinge of Britain culture made me undeniably hard to breathe or even speak. I didn't know why I was here. I was wearing a BASF company T-shirt while others were wearing Padini, Polo , or even brands that sounds Italian that has never made it to my ears before.

Out of place. Though they are known as Good friends of my father, But I didn't like to be there .

Sitting with them , my heart cries with a solemn question "Do these so called Christians love God ? Because tyhroughout an hours fellowship , I did NOT here anybody say Jesus ." If these ppl trully loved Jesus , they would talk about him. NO . Shame.

Ang Paus ? stupid stuff. Pointless.

I'm tired , socially , and cookie-ly.

I have to stop thinking about her . Nothings going to work out. No , I should stop . Thought of her 14 times today . Hey , thats 15 . I really wonder , how could anyone else make feel like she does. I mean I can still feel other girls , my heart still pump deeper when I see pretty girls of top class quality, I still consider new girls that surface in my pool of ppl. But nobody , nobody so far, could make me feel more assurance , than she could ever do.

But for now I still feel this feeling of " unknown " with her . Its like unsure , yet sure . Most of the time you ask someone ,

" you love her ? "

" yes ."

"Would you go steady with her if she says yes ?"

" YES !"

However the ironic part with me is that , I would say yes , then No .

I know I love her. But I don't want her to be with me. Its crazy .

What am I talking about . Haiz~

scrap that.

Wouldn't it be all nice , if I were to just mess up everything with her ,do something to her so bad that is would make her hate me. Then I'll never have to ever hope for her . Hahaa... nice plan Boy. "Abish~" victor would say.

"Die larh Vincent , you're so hopelessly in love with her..." Joshua Gan said , and will say it again.

" You have to give her more space and be less than friends to her, she's afraid..." Caleb said.

" Vincent, you have to let her go. God has better plans for you that may not include her ... " Victor would say .

" Heck care , you like her , go for it..." all my classmates said.

" Maybe you should ask her to pray ..." Mom hinted.

" Maybe I should stop feeling , no troubles then ..." sub-conscience Vincent says to himself .

" GO AND SLEEP !!! " Conscience Vincent says.

Goodnight Jesus. Love me , hug me , never let me go. Thanks you . iBelieve in you .

My mind's not working , should sleep.

Vincent.Valiante.

500 days of summer

I hate the show.
Or maybe I hate summer.
It was just wrong for her to do that to Tom.
Giving him "Bullshit" all the time .
Its like I can feel it.

Why can't i have just one love story that can end the way the I want it to.
A nice long awaited couple , committed.
Finally, maybe without saying Goodbyes , they would hold on till they meet their graves.

oh wait , Titus and jie lin's wedding is coming.

to hell with autumn. It will be another mess up, if you know what I mean.

Updatte

In the last two days . I had some time with her alone. I thought it was good , not so that I can built up a relationship with her , but to more or less familiarize her presence.

It was good. Now none of us feel the tension in the air that use to choke us mute. I'm happy . As long as I can stop thinking about her when I'm not with her. Its challenging , but my name is Vincent , which means " Conquerer " . I will conquer this problem. I just hope she'll give me enough time.

We went to SAB to help out the Cf there . We waited for time to pass as the Cf was allocated at 1pm. We were there at 12:40. We paced on from the gates where Joseph left us , commenting on her hasty feet that moved way too fast for me. The wind blew in our faces . A mellow, soft kind of fragrance that suggests warmth and care delighted me .

We sat around at the walkway , while she strolled around a bit. I sat at the end of corridor , sitting on the steps. Watching her as she strolled slowly away from me , while engrossed in the files that she held in her hands . It struck me then , " Vincent , you really have to let go of her , give her the space she needs to grow, and in meantime , maybe grow yourself into the perfect guy she can ever have , if she ever is going to be that one ."

I'm willing , God . Help me.

Vincent.

ventilator

I wish I could ,

Plant a ventilator ,

Wherever I would ,

behind my head it could .

Maybe it'll all sound amusing,

When the ventilator became confusing ,

And all who sees the astounding ,

Feel all the more heart-breaking.

I visited the places ,

that reminded me of faces ,

yellow they may be ,

lies, they carry, has hurt me deeply.

In the beautiful sanctuary,

where two thought they would be ,

In the end, hurt , none was two ?

But three , I remind thee ,

Third it is , the one with the ventilator ,

planted behind his head ,

hoping to ventilate out all the confusion,

That he had ,

That he has ,

And that he will have .

"Papa" , he cries .

And heaven's gates open to him.

" Into your hands , I return my spirit. "

Valiante