Update

Followed a tut. New prac.

the following is just a spam of my thoughts for today.

Recently , I've been telling myself to find the beauty in the broken , to have compassion for the poor. Nah~ didn't have the slightest sign of it. I went into homes , lots of them . Different backgrounds , different ppl .

From the not so rich , to the richy-rich. From the not so moralled ppl to the high and mighty, materialistic ppl. Its a greatr contrast. Sometimes its just such a confusion when it comes to my self image. When I'm with the lower classed ppl , I feel the tendency to judge them for their illed morality . When I'm with the high classed ppl , I feel an unmistakable pressure to keep myself well behaved and calm. It felt like as if I don't belong. Sitting on the same table with millionaires , eating short cakes and drinking coffee from nice flowery cups on beautifully designed saucers that has a tinge of Britain culture made me undeniably hard to breathe or even speak. I didn't know why I was here. I was wearing a BASF company T-shirt while others were wearing Padini, Polo , or even brands that sounds Italian that has never made it to my ears before.

Out of place. Though they are known as Good friends of my father, But I didn't like to be there .

Sitting with them , my heart cries with a solemn question "Do these so called Christians love God ? Because tyhroughout an hours fellowship , I did NOT here anybody say Jesus ." If these ppl trully loved Jesus , they would talk about him. NO . Shame.

Ang Paus ? stupid stuff. Pointless.

I'm tired , socially , and cookie-ly.

I have to stop thinking about her . Nothings going to work out. No , I should stop . Thought of her 14 times today . Hey , thats 15 . I really wonder , how could anyone else make feel like she does. I mean I can still feel other girls , my heart still pump deeper when I see pretty girls of top class quality, I still consider new girls that surface in my pool of ppl. But nobody , nobody so far, could make me feel more assurance , than she could ever do.

But for now I still feel this feeling of " unknown " with her . Its like unsure , yet sure . Most of the time you ask someone ,

" you love her ? "

" yes ."

"Would you go steady with her if she says yes ?"

" YES !"

However the ironic part with me is that , I would say yes , then No .

I know I love her. But I don't want her to be with me. Its crazy .

What am I talking about . Haiz~

scrap that.

Wouldn't it be all nice , if I were to just mess up everything with her ,do something to her so bad that is would make her hate me. Then I'll never have to ever hope for her . Hahaa... nice plan Boy. "Abish~" victor would say.

"Die larh Vincent , you're so hopelessly in love with her..." Joshua Gan said , and will say it again.

" You have to give her more space and be less than friends to her, she's afraid..." Caleb said.

" Vincent, you have to let her go. God has better plans for you that may not include her ... " Victor would say .

" Heck care , you like her , go for it..." all my classmates said.

" Maybe you should ask her to pray ..." Mom hinted.

" Maybe I should stop feeling , no troubles then ..." sub-conscience Vincent says to himself .

" GO AND SLEEP !!! " Conscience Vincent says.

Goodnight Jesus. Love me , hug me , never let me go. Thanks you . iBelieve in you .

My mind's not working , should sleep.

Vincent.Valiante.