Arte of sadness

Janet's a beauty ,

Like a snowy ferret .

But've hurt my dignity ,

As slow as a ballad .

Looking for the truth ,

Not so delightful ,

Living with lies ,

Always regretful .

Urged by my curiosity ,

I discovered you ,

The reality that i should have known,

That has pierced me through and through .

And a thousand apologies my dear tears,

You couldn't find your way.

Now that i received these compelling emotion ,

I gladly release you in a beautiful array.

What is this feeling ,

Its like he seem to know it since the beginning ,

He told me he shed tears at my story ,

But he was the story .

But he remains ,

My brother in fellowship,

My comrade in battle .

My friend for life .

Father , into your hands ,

I leave my plans,

Guard my heart , relieve my soul .

As I find rest in you . 

My refuge .

 

bagh.......

Bagh...... ( sounds like you're realising your breath with a "bah " sound )




have you ever felt like , " man she's soooooo the ONE " .

YOu know I've tried comparing her to every girl i've ever known in my life . And she out wins all of them and sooooo fits into all my "wants "

MY WANTS Of " A HER " FOR ME
1- Love God , Love People , Love the ministry .
2- Long hair , no need to be really pretty , but enough to pass .
3- Chinese as first language , cause i really can't work chinese out .
4- understands me , knows me , seen my " bad side " yet accept me .
5- Able to work with me , collaborate with proper decisions.
6- Lets me wear the pants ( means make the decisions ).
7- Youngest in family . Or just not the eldest .
8- Have good sociallizing ability
9- serious about the topis of love , as in always try to keep the mentality of start with one , end with one .


and guess wad, she fits into every single one of those then BOOM , God says

" NO , she's not the one "

its kinda really hard to accept , its like " man I shouldn't have asked ."

I took time to think it out . tried to understand . Smile a lil , Frown a lil .

then i talked to a wise men , Victor . and i got enlightened .

and i've come out with two teories .

Theory ONE - Nobody can love you more than God .
Theory TWO - According to theory one , God will then provide what's best for you .


Am I to be worried , NOOOOOooooOoOOOo. . . . . .

I mean i still do have feelings for her , cause it was like three years . But yeah , i think i've got over it .

if any guy were to court her in future , he will have me blessing in full .




=] valiante vincente . son of god . still man .

Hours away....

In exactly 8 hours...it would be her birthday...

Dear XxxXxxx .

I'm having thought rushing through my brain like a ...a.....

reservoir that broke loose.....

its like argh......

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO EXIST!!!!!!

sometimes i just wonder away in my thoughts...

looking out the window in a car ride...

thinking ... ... ... ... ...

wondering ... ... ...

was I ever the same as you did?

did I do wad you did to me ?

did I make a circle of my friends to hate you too...

I did , i explained my problems to joanne .

In another way , i bad mouthed.

I'm an idiot alright .

a big one ...

Could i ever say sorry enough

okay done with mister good guy

seriously i can still find 101 problems you have..

1. you're never serious , you can't be angry at anyone

for a long time,you can't sustain a relationship with anyone ,

expecially people who are serious, real serious about

this game of

L.O.V.E

You have a bunch of friends who seem to be like you...blabbering like a bunch spoilt kids ( brats , snobs )

money doesn't seem to be something you can be serious with

all you are is a small little girl in this big bad world ,

feeling all pampered out...

thinking you can work you're way though like a lil kid .

seriously i thought you were matured....but no....hell NOO..

idiotic lil kid i see.

grow up put some sense into yourself...

happy birthday in forward.

today - sunday .

I saw her today . she was beautiful. hm...
nononoon... she was stunning . yeah thats the word... i had a chat with her , just like old times . the times that i use to tease her .how she laughs ...that weird breathing sound she produce when she laughs...

it was in church ... our shoulders crossed a few times . 1,2,3,4...5..6.
6 times .
there was one particular scene that really laid a deep impression in my mind .

it was on the corridoor , the one beside canaan hall, opposite elim pavilion, under the flight of stairs . A spot that is a lil darker than the others. crossed path with her then . I just looked in her eyes, and passed. her hair flew off her shoulders into the oncoming wind. she was ... beautiful . If I would have one wish at that time , I would wish that time would stop . that I may stare into her eyes , longer ... a lil bit more... cause i want to...

maybe i should really stop . cause it will really bring back memories, flash backs.

bye

iF I Had WiNGs ....

If I had Wings ,
I would spread it wide ,
Fly far far away ,
and say Goodbye .

To this world .

Where Black can become White .
Where a mother could bear
to abandon her child .
Too live her sinful life .

Where politicians would fight,
Over a position to make decisions ,
Which are mostly never done .

Where PAIN lingers among the teenagers,
where only a few are able to step out alive ,
not destroyed .

Where needs are hardly met ,

Hearts Broken,

Families divide ,

sadness. . .

Darkness . . .

FEAR . . .

hatred .

But God never gave me wings ,
that away with I could never fly ,
ever wonder WHY?

So that I would stay right here ,
to pray for this generation ,
turn from their wicked ways ,
through Christ .

ps: God fill me with your love, becuase with mine alone , I will not survive .

Vincent.

day in day out...

-I suddenly had a crave for the bible.... dun know why , but i thought it was good.

-have started reading mark .

- those who came to this blog. please leave a message at the chat box...
-so i'll know you came...

anyway besides denise , victor, caleb, joanne ,jeremy, serah , the other people shouldn't know about this blog .

so kindly please be gone , if you're not suppose to read .

anyway back to my life .

It wasn't so much of a sad day today , beside the black eyes rings i'm having , becuase I didn't have a good sleep due to the BLAZING weather .

i'm just trying spam , trying to type out everything i want to....lalalalalla...

so idiotic.

sometimes the world turns at a constant time , but sometimes , I doubt .Coz is like time Flies so FAST when you are having a great time .
But its as slow as a tortoise .

sometimes i feel like i'm all alone , eventhought there's lik eso much people around you .

I'm now teaching guitar, it sux, i feel like giving up the class... its not about the students , IT's ME ..... it'slike after the full long day , fomr morining 8 till afer practise at 3:30 , you'll have to teach another lesson. freaking tiring you know . God, please send someone to help me .

"Sometimes life is like sine curve" . that wad people say . But mine is like a tangent curve . it goes up...up.up. and to thye infinity when you really can say ...wha.a.... i'm so high ....so happy, Then ...BOOm....down you go....and then up up up again....BOOM! ...

i hate that...can it be less drastic.....

I'm just crapping....but at least i'm more real now. not the fake-y fake-y vincent i use to be .

trying to eat least , do more exxercise. Build quality muscles .maybe can reach 80 bye next year...i'm now around 88 , was 96 last year ... not bad aye ...

I've met a new girl . but not that kind of gurl. not intertested in her . but sms-ing her at the moment . she more or less hae some problem with her bf .really sad at the moment. I just want ot be someone who will be there for her . yet i dun want to commit my whole life to her that kind of thing...i just hope she doesn't get the wrong idea.

seriously , i think i still do like XxxXxx . its like , i dunnoe . it still makes my heart beat faster when i talk to her . Its like when i see her laughing off hapily with another guy,I green with jealousy. it sux. i really do wish to just put he behind. all the more i still wish she would be by my side .



I want lay my hand around her waist .Hold her tight .swipe her hair aside , and place it behind her ears .And then lay a gentle kiss on her naked forehead. nicely, sweetly , making her feel the most blessed girl there is on earth. I want to feel her warmth , on my chest , as she lay her head on it . i want to smell the warm feeling aroma that arises form her body . pleasurable, loving , and kind.

Pissing me Off

Look here . XxxXxxXxxx ,
I've given grace and grace enough .

1) What have I written that has actually polluted your blog? the only ppl polluting your tag box is you and your stepmother . Seriously CHECK IT FOR YOURSELF !!! Not a single Judgement or POLLUTING PHRASE have I used . All i wanted to do is to care and give encouragement, and all I got was some polluting judgement , when I got all the blames for polluting .

2) to CY : I've really Been thinking through this situation . And here's my result . You've talked "senselessly ". If all that you wanted to do was to prove your loyalty to your step-daughter , you've already very well done it . Let me ask you a question . HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ME ? You barely just know my name . You've made your judgement based on this situation . Having to only know me out of this "whole miscommunication" you've already pre-judge me on who I really am . I've not judge you yet . I still think that you're someone interesting of which i would really want to know someday . And If we do really get to know each other , I hope it will be a pleasant meeting . Lastly , here's my advice , something my father taught me .

" Its never fair to judge someone on a single situation , because everyone has faults in their lives , yet many other good things in other areas ."

3)To XxxXxxXxxx ,

I've never said any nasty things to you yet .So appreciate and be contented . Because I'm seriously holding back everything I really can be . You've seriously gotten me really confused once and again . And you really didn't know wad you have done to me . You said you liked this guy , I said don't tell him that you like him , cause it'll any not do you good. What i really meant was that you should take time to know him . When I said that "you don't know wad you doing" , You told me "I know my feelings" . BUT WAD ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE , WAD ABOUT ME ? DID YOU SPARE A THOUGHT FOR MY FEELINGS . I told you that I don't have much people coming to me telling me they have feelings for me . When you said that you liked me that lil bit , I treasured you like a child to its mother . You were a rare chance . Do you think then I would have given you up that easily ? THINK !

All my friends that knew who you were told me to forget all about you and never even think of being even a friend , BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT WORTH IT .They said you were a brat , and never really treasure much of your friends . BUT STILL , I procrastinated and came back to encourage you . I used the name sara was so that it wouldn't stir up any misunderstanding. And guess wad , ALL YOU DID WAS TO DO THE WORST .

Of all of these , I wouldn't blame you , and I've long forgiven you . I've been trying to remind myself once and again , that you're 14 . And that we were of different thinking maturity . So there's nothing to be angry about .

Lastly , its not wrong to have faults , but its totally wrong to dwell and deny your faults . Please do grow out of it .

" Do What You Need To Do ,

So You Can Do What You Want To Do "

James .L . Farmer

Touch of pain

Wad can be worst?
When all confusion hits you from the back of your head.
When you're misunderstood .
When you do come in like a welcomed guest , when you didn't know you were not !
When you're pre-judged a loser and a Fat Axx.
When you really want to fight back ,
But everything you were taught by the church tells you not to .
When really all that you wanted to do was to care ,
And all that you get in return is judgement , and accusations.
When people do make you look like someone you're not .

What do you know ?
What happen to all the sweet talks you gave me? FALSE HOPE
What am I to you? Rubbish ? some guy you can just kick around becuase I have a soft heart?

Talking about hearts , try to remember all the freaking times you said you liked me of my big heart .

I guess you weren't what I thought you were.
I was just totally attracted by the mature voice , and total demure poise

And of all of these , i'll congratulate you XxxXxxXxxx
you are the first girl in this WHOLE UNIVERSE


to make me DRIP A TEAR .

You already gave me a wound , but you just made is deeper



For you information
L33 was a name for the first person who ever touched my heart,
Sa was your name
L33Sa was a name i used to remind myself to never again let myself touch love .

CAUSE IT HAS BROUGHT ME NOTHING BUT PAIN

life of a donut

Life's a donut .

A piece of dough , Empty out in the middle .

Aren't humans more or less the same ,

When everything comes collapsing in .

Crapping , Laming , less Appretiating .

Fooling around , Blaming the ones around.

HUMANS , So different yet ,

All the same . Comman .

Psychotic people seems normal enough ,

Cause at least they don't LIE .

Hate , a frequent destructive visitor ,

Yet all the more a welcomed one .

This is my life ,

In the rubbles of Dawn ,

After the Raging war ,

Thrash thats left behind .

Vincent , a Diamond wrapped in a bag of thrash .

Where only does who find it , receives its goodness.

Where those who didn't care to dig in far enough

Can only bad mouth about all its stinkyness .

Life's a Donut ,

A peice of dough , Empty out in the middle .

but guess wad ,

I have the center filling , yet i didn't put it in to make it complete

GOD , please help me .