evitcepsreP weN

1. Love God , Love Man , Love the Church . No matter what you are wanting , never let that thing overtake the place of God in your heart.

" Delight yourself in the Lord , and he will give you the desires of your heart."

2. Open yourself to more options , that God's will for your life will be able to be spotted with much ease.

3. Don't Commit to anyone now , there are things that you can only learn when you are young , leave the commitment to the next half of your life.

4. In everything , do your best. And I mean your BEST. Nothing less, 100% , not 99% . Or else , you must well let someone else do it.

5. Everything Starts with love.

6. When I reach Heaven , I rather have God tell me that I've loved too much , than to have been said that I have loved too little.

7. Results from missions may not come instantly.

Valiante Vincent .

Jaslyn this Looks like you.

[Jaslyn Gan Ju-lia]

[Mainland-chinese-girl-I-met-at-the-night-bazaar]

Missions.

G.A.P missions is here . I'm leaving tomorrow. Actually day after tomorrow , because we're taking a flight from KLIA . So we're leaving JB at 10:30p.m. tomorrow , flying at 7:00a.m.

I pray God be with me , show me his existance, and increase my faith in him .

I pray that God keep me humble , hold me together , and hold the group together .

I pray that I would be able to find what my grandfather wants ( a leather belt =] ) .

I pray that God may use me to lead to people to christ .

Vincent.

ps: Remember the mission team in your prayers folks...

Fender Standard Stratocaster. Made in Mexico $ 880 / RM 2024++

Uncle Ch'ng from Schumann offering me a "Special Price" . About RM2160 .

There's this guy online selling for RM1700 , RM1500 , RM 1150.

God bless me. Please.....

Basketball

I've recently taken a liking to basketball. I really like it now. Playing it twice a week.

At molek 3/7 .

Of course , the picture above is NOT the actual court I played.

Argh..... SPM updates.

Est was pretty much passable , most probably another A in hand , but lets try not to put our hopes too high . Anyway , it was about Friction . I was like , " AAAAAaaaaahhhhhhhhh..." Because I prepared all night , and literally most of the morning , sacrificing my sleep , to prepare " Microbes " ," Global Warming" , and " Energy" . And it came out FRICTION.

How does anyone know how to write friction? Tell me ....

I really pray that God's grace is enough for me.

SPM first day : belum mati .

IF THIS LOOK SCARY TO YOU , IMAGINE IT WITH THE PAPER PRINTED SPM IN FRONT OF YOU... YES~.. THAT'S RIGHT ....HMhMm SCARED NOW ?.... SCARED LEH.....

FIRST DAY OF SPM ; RAINY ,CLOUDY ;

BM 1: " Your grace is enough for me..."

SEJARAH : " Your grave is too much for me ..."

BM 2: " For It is new every mourning , new every mourning , great is thy faithfulness oh~lord , great is thy faithfulness ...

If I get an A- or B+ for my Malay , its not me .

If i get an A , or A+ ... well lets not limit GOD's strength

Ps: When oh when will caleb text me.... oh when oh when will it be~ , with his so long , since his so long gone , oh when oh when will it be...~

PS2: miss you bro.

Vincent

I'M SOOOOO GONNA KICK CALEB's ASS LIKE BEKHAM SHOOTING A BALL FROM MID FIELD

I PROMISE I WILL DO AS THE TITLE SAYS.

SPM-Sudah Pasti Mati.

Spm is here .

And I have NOT the slightest sign of stress.

I wonder if its a blessing or a curse.

Day 7/8. Total failure saved by grace.

Its been day 7 , actually 8 .

1. Studied 4 hours of ad.maths today , mind blowing indeed.

2. Prayed and worshiped God , which was what I meant by "grace" .

3. Didn't read my bible at all .

4. Studied 38 pages of biology.

5. Sorry I didn't update day 4 , 5 , and 6 , cause I more or less confiscated my own computer by myself . I took out all the wires and kept the pc. =p

6. I'm updating from a laptop that shuts itself down every 1/2 an hour to 45 min .

7. I'm thinking that I need to pray more .

8. I finally understood her , and what she meant. Nope , I'm not hoping anything. I really just wanted to be able to speak freely to her like old friends do. THAT , is all i wanted with her, that's all , but she misinterpreted it as something different. I hope she will understand one day. Maybe its better this way.

9. God save me , I only have 3 A1's and 1 A2 . Non of my sciences got A. I'm really desperate. Dad gave up hope. But never will.

10. I'm really having a hard time typing , because the C and A button is malfunctioning , thanks to my brother who fell asleep with this laptop right beside his leg , which ended up on the floor with two keys spoilt . Arrgh.

Goodnight , and God bless you.

Vincent.

Day 3. Judgement

Proverbs 31:9 " Speak up and judge fairly , defend the rights of the poor and needy. "

1. I've studied 40 pages of biology , seriously not up to planned , which was 70 . I've realised that i really need to concentrate hard to save time , as I've wasted much on health , and idleness.

2. I've failed once again on praying . I plan to wake up tomorrow and pray . God help me .

3. I've read proverbs and found it benefiting . Proverbs 31 speaks of fighting for justice , but the second part of the verse speaks of a wise and perfect wife. Of what she does , and of the things she is praiseworthy . Truly have i learnt that a prudent wife comes for the lord. And I'll believe it is worth waiting .

4. I've failed to seek God's kingdom first .

5. Glory to God , and all praise unto him only , for the giving me strength and wisdom to top the class in the subject of EST . I am deeply grateful.

6. Is it wise to fight someone as big as the examination board of johore ? For giving answers that are subjective in an objective question . ( Friends are ______ in our lives . A. Vital B. Essential C. Critical . . . Answer A , I chose B ) ... " No Vincent , I can't give you correct because the scheme says no . " " teacher then can we give them a feedback or complain ?" " Uh... no .. i think if there is a change they will call us to have ea meeting " OF WHICH IS LOOOOOONG AFTER OUR MARKS ARE KEY-ed INTO THE COMPUTER ,AND ANY CHANGES WOULD BE INEVITABLE!!! " We have a fantastic education system , be gratified.

7. I've been thinking , what is the difference of revenge and justice ?

8. I want to make a difference in Malaysia , esp in the education area. I will speak only the truth , and will not stand down when being accused wrongly .

9. I want to love .

10. God help me be faithful and true .

Vincent

Day 2 . When my jouney meets perseverance

Proverbs 30:5 . "Every word of god is flawless ; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him .

1. Its incredibly amazing how God's words can speak like a double edged sword through your heart.

2. I've read the bible .

3. I've endured anger and kept my patience today .

4. I've failed to pray again today .

5. I've studied 40 pages of biology. Its pretty interesting .

6. Have been thinking of the ways to preach gospel to my classmates.

7. Have been thinking should ask about her results ?

8. Have been thinking of how I should talk about the the selection of our music with relation to our righteousness and loving God.

9. Have been thinking of how I should the cell group ?

10. thinking about what she said the other day . Am I that suppressing , am I always the kind that feels I'm always right ?

questions ?

I need answers .

God be my solution .

Vincent.

Day 1 - continuation .

" Friends are the family you choose ."

Argh~ i've failed in praying today .

I did read the bible though .

In proverbs 27 : 5 . Better is an open rebuke than hidden love . Wounds fro a friend can be trusted , but an enemy multiplies kisses .

I studied Ad.maths with a bunch of friends , on the chapter , binomial distribution. Gosh i need to practice .

Went to B.M tuition . Learnt about the literature drama , Kerusi , which is a story to indirectly humiliate Dr.Mahathir . But oh well , such are the days of wickedness .

Went to Jusco TebrauCity with xi zhe to buy some books . Had KFC for 2nd dinner. Bought 2 books , Wrapped them up . Took me more time than I thought I needed.

Plan to finish Biology revision in this week . Though it seem impossible , but i believe in two verses , 1. I can do all things through christ who strengthens me , 2. The joy of the lord is my strength.

May it be , may it be ... dear god help me .

Vincent

Day 1 - A new beginning .

Its Monday , and i've decided i'll start a new life . From this day on , i will ...

Blog everyday (when time permit) to show my progress of life , to myself , and as an assurance and a promise to the people around me that I will become a better servant of God.

I will pray and read proverbs this month .

I will write roughly on what i've studied ( just to show myself what I've acomplished ) .

I will write on what God has thought me that day , =]

Signed with hope ,

VINCENT TAN ZHUGUANG .

thinking.

I'm thinking ,

That maybe I should let you know ,

that I need to leave all these behind ,

including you .

I'm thinking ,

That maybe I should let you go ,

beyond my reach ,

into the path you should go .

I'm thinking ,

That maybe it is right ,

to leave you into God's hands ,

and erase this memory and history .

I'm thinking ,

That maybe I should forgive myself ,

for hating you ,

of all these challenges you've given me .

I'm thinking ,

That maybe I should believe in myself ,

that I can face you head on again ,

without feeling the guilt inside.

I'm thinking ,

That maybe I should give myself to death ,

let it consume me ,

and make all of these go away ,

But I can't .

Vincent.

Random Flowers

Sometimes I wonder , what is my goal in life ?

What do I really want ?

Would I be able to say ,

"I want to live for God"

Without being influenced by the religious demands ?

I don't know .

Do I want to love , knowing I will still be disappointed?

Should I be the one to blame for my own mistakes ?

Am I talking gibberish , and being used by the devil in my weaknesses ?

When do all these emotions start to cloud my decisions ?

What should I be hoping for ?

I don't know.

I feel vexed , at the corner of my stability ,

between the world and righteousness .

Where am I?

What am I ?

Who am I ?

Why am I ?

How am I ?

I don't know .

Maybe , I don't want to know.

Vincent.

Updatte

( I've never seen jusco so quite before )

I fear I've lost the patience in waiting for blogger's system to go in parallel with my thoughts , and solve the "photo uploading problem " . It really is sucky , becuase I do believe in " A picture paints a thousand words " , because it does . That is why most art work cost more than books . =] However I've finally realised that the problem lies with agreeing with the new "terms and agreement" box that I have to tick , of which nobody reads anyway .

Anyway , the week has been quite a bash , played games till late night , watch 4 movies in a row , go out for church , had a good jam out with xi zhe on cool jazz , watched G-force , and felloshiped with Joseph and Terence .

Sunday :I didn't really planned to watch the show actually . Didn't have the desire and the expectancy and the feeling of looking forward to it , when I wanted to watch the show . But it turned out pretty good I must say . The graphics were passable , the story line was fine , the action was good , and the Gadgets were AWESOME . I liked their bikes , which actually is a spherical-running-bike . I couldn't find the photos though , so . . . you have to watch the show for yourself . hahaha . . .highly reconmendable .Two thumbs up .

Saturday : It was pretty much casual , the usuals . Had a good time rocking out during the TEENz P&W . But it was pretty dragged out and tiring towards the end , which resulted to my lack of attention on stage ( I fell asleep Larh... ) . But it was good , got a good chance to worship God .

Jammed out with xi zhe with cool jazz . It was nice to use purely augmented chords . And i have to say , xi zhe is continuously improving .

Firday : Had a gathering with my old classmates .

Yee ling : someone that can " SUAN " you on whatever you said .

Seriously , i was totally shamed by her throughout

the whole gathering everytime I opened my mouth . But she's sweet . ( uhhm . i know what you're thinking... no... )

Mui Poh with her gleeful smile . I have to admit ,

I believe she does have the best smile I can

remember during my life in tebrau .

Yuan Yan , Joshua Gan , and Ho Theng Wei ( Adrain )

Three of my best buddies , One that keep me cool , the other that keeps me laughing ,

and one that reminds me I'm a hippo . But , yeah ... they're great ppl . Love them =] .

It was overall a great pleasure to meet them again . Brings back the memories i had with evryone of them , people tht i quarell with , people that shared Heart-talks with , people that went through the rebellion against HABABI with me . It was a bunch of classmates I really do feel home with . People that I do not feel uncomfortable with , people I can try out my lame jokes , and ppl that would encourage me , and kick hard back in line when I go astray . Some of them ask me if I regreted my choice of leaving tebrau ? .....Everyday boy . . . everyday .

But god always have a plan for us . And I know , I know it is the very best . Therefore I should forget what is behind and strive towards the goal : Heavenward.

Vincent .

If only life could be clearer .

If life could be clearer ,

Mirrors would stand out bright ,

Life could be a stunning flight ,

And this could have been a peaceful night .

If only life could be clearer ,

Misplaced understatements could be feared ,

Unknown difficulties could be perservered ,

And many , many , more could be found deared .

But if life Was clearer ,

What would I find ,

Under that beautiful coloured blind ,

Would I still wish I could ...

Find you in a world where life is clearer .

I am willing .

Valinte Vinceo

PiCs

Vincent tan updatte

Life on earth has been unexpectedly depressing , tiring , and undoubtedly stressful . Argh out with crap .

My English is getting pretty bad. As you can see , my grammar isn't very well either . However , my Chinese on the other hand is getting better. Maybe its just due to the fact that I am mixing with more Chinese educated ppl than Bananas.

The week has been awesome . Despite literally burying myself in stacks of useless over elaborated books , I had a chance to study with my classmates. During the breaks I made some of my lil snacks for them . Like pancake and egg+cheese+chicken floss ( caleb if you are reading this , really sorry man , I doubt you can get chicken floss in aussie ) . The egg was deliciousssss. Using the egg as the base texture , the cheese makes creamy salivating sause perfected with chicken floss.... Ooo it tastes heavenly .

Nothing much to say ....

actually , i'm runnig out of things to say . So you know who you are , just be patient with me . I'm really cracking my brains to think . zzz

Valiante

ARTWORK

Wanted to use this for cellgroup header.

haha ... SingaLINES airPORE

It writes "sue ann" . Wanted to give her as a present but didn't get to .

Fish in the water ... look for the fish . =]

I like BUNKFACE .

I like this band .... Because their guitarist uses the same guitar as i do .... =]

SEE!!! ...

Argh~ i look lethargic .

haha ... but of course other than that ... they are just nice ... not too much not too lil . Like it ... lots of quality .

Anyway ...they are a malaysian band . Really nice . watch it .

Ventolin inhaler .

I doubt i can take another breathe comfortably without the VENTOLIN INHALER ...

It really sucks living with asthma . Mine's not fatal yet , I'll tell you at my funerel when it is .

Anyway , live's been great . Or so far ..... great . I've been undoubtfully slacking , eventhough I've just gone through my term exams ... of which only 1 day have I attended due to the quarantined I've been given . MUAHAHAHAHA~~~~

I've decided to let this blog be as it is . I've tried to delete the sensitive posts ... Hope that anyone who visits this blog don't dig into my archieves , Eventhough I seriously believe that you are thinking about it this very moment . =]

School's been entirely in a slacking phase . I've never felt like this before going to school. Basically I've only brought my water bottle , pencil box and a scrap book to school today. But oh well, it wasn't all that bad today . My bio teacher thought us about Biology chapter 4 . We were all soooooo excited about it . But also , we loathe every bit of memory work on the female reproductive organs and its processes . Seriously , we " man " are just sooo simple .

Thats about it for today's updates and so called juicy news . God Bless you all . and take care.

With greatest regards .

Vincent

... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

You are the tickling feeling at the back of my head , at the bottom my heart .

But i'm not .

Thank you ,Titus for " Fix My Eyes " .

updatte

As like many other Saturdays , i attended TEENz . Listened to the very amusing message today - Hell's Bell . Fell asleep despite the topic was music. I love music .

Today I played two sessions . Enjoyed non . I couldn't feel God , I couldn't worship . However , unlike many other problems , I knew the reason to this one . I was paying more attention in getting the raw bassist in beat than focusing on God . During the second session , I had really dry hands , the strings were rough , the drummer was inexperienced . All but a great dismay , wasted my time . My questions is , did anyone benefit from my meaningless sacrifice ?

I hope so .

In the past few days , God has shown me more things in life , in growth and in the path to greater maturity . I've learnt from my many disputes with my mom , that every women is a package deal , or maybe I should rephrase that as , every person is a package deal . You have the pros , you have the cons .

It is then , I saw Ms. J's cons . I shall not go into detail about her imperfections as it would be considered a terrible act . So back to the point . . . I've always thought I've seen the worst of her , and I could accept all that . And it was so i thought she was perfect for me . But it was then at my point of delight , God reminded me of this weakness . It stunned me , gave me a hard smack on my cheeks . and made me think again . Is she the one , are you sure ?

Second thoughts are always great , as it equates balance and self acknowledgement .

On second thought , why am I even thinking about any of these .

What's mine will be mine eventually ; what's not , will never be .

Besides , so what if God tells me its her , am I ready to marry ?

However the human nature is Idiotic when it comes down to love .

I hate it when it comes to that .

Ah . . . so many challenges I've learnt . . . and all the credit belings to Ms.J . She's such an interesting . . uhm . . . . . Friend .

Thinking back the days , where I would joke about her large exposed forehead , her unique laughs that I've never heard elsewhere , her inability to pronounce certain English words , her chubby little face . It has been a long memorable 4 years . The happiness , the pain , the excitement , the disappointments . . . its all but a memory now .

I wonder if that friendship still holds its stand ?

valiante vinceo .

PS: If you are reading this , please dun speculate about this blog . I want to keep it as private as possible . However , I'm lazy to make it private and invite all the people . So please coorperate.

Lifeless and Dead

Recently , My eyes have seen .

So much more , the beauty and the broken .

The life and sacrifice ; the death and cruxifiction .

A generation , far profound in sin ,

Far distinguished from holiness .

Where compromise seems essential to survive.

Where should I lay my life ,

If not in the hands of the creator ?

How should I live my life ,

If not for the saviour ?

Answers we lived .

Answers we show .

Answers we give .

To the next generation who will lift our sins to greater Heights .

I see beauty in the broken ,

And I know someone who does too .

But do we acknowledge his glory , his splendour .

Do we still worship ,

Not with fancy words ,

But with our lives ?

Living for his glory ;

Writing with my minor hand .

He never said it would be easy ,

but he said he would see us throught the storm .

up.datte

Sometimes life goes round and round . 

It seems to never be found .

Maybe it wasn't that profound .

Only in the time when you are down .

Where only thoughts could be heard ,

Our hearts connect .

Voices sound absurd ,

A fury aimless intelect .

Maybe , just maybe  .

It was my feelings for you ,

Were the ones ; complicating .

Nowhere else have I found another ,

compatible , comparable , replaceble .

Anguished : Maybe ?

Torn : Past .

Different : Absolutely .

Valiante Vinceo . dedicated to someone .

-

to love is wise , to forgive is beauty .

My girlfriend and I .

No. I do not have a girlfriend yet . Its a title of a Korean movie . It was sad .

. . .

In the last parts of the story , the girl died of leukemia . The guy watches her die slowly .

. . .

The girls last wish is to visit an island . A typhoon happened . The guy couldn't bring her there . She had her last thoughts . Thinking " I'm sorry I loved you , I'm sorry I made you loved me too ."  And she let out her last breath . 

She died .

I thought . . .

If L33 would die first , would I cry like that guy did ?Or should the question be ...

" Would I be sad at all . . . "

   Do I still love her ?

Questions . . . my best enemy . . . however much I hate you , I still need you to go on .

I don't know . 

If you were to die first , would I survive ?

I don't know .

If you were to die , would i still be happy ?

I don't know .

Will I keep myself solitary , alone ?

I don't know .

Valiante Vinceo

Update

Am I craving for Love ? Good question , I have no answers .

Its like a universal question people ask from time to time . The thing is , who isn't .

So , the next question would be , am I normal ? Is it okay to be normal ? for me .

Maybe , maybe , distinct answers may come , like roots of a quadratic equation . 

Desperate ? ... .. . maybe . .. ...

Should I be ? ... .. .  I think so . .. ...

One Scientific reasoning I've learnt today .

" The only Sex problem is Not having sex , the rest is just preference and agreements "

I Do not agree . I'm still a 24/7 against homosexuality . 

I'd rather you stay a virgin then become homo .

sometimes ppl wouldn't want to read a whole long roll of blog writing unless its interesting . But hell cares who read it . I dun care if you finish reading this , because it just shows how much you care . 

I'm running a diet plan . So far its working . I've lost 2kgs . Yeah , I'm happy . 

I've kept my guitar . Because I can't study with it beside my table .

I'm starting to like Frank Sinatra . And his " Something Stupid " is officially my favourite song .

My favourite line is when they repeat 

" ...and then I go to spoil it all by saying something like I LOVE YOU ...."

Finally somebody understands that maybe saying I love you is stupid . Just sometimes.

Camp is coming , I'm thinking of yee sue anne  . I'm actually pretty much afraid to meet her , If she does come for camp . Of which I'm indecisive whether should I or should I not look forward to .  Seriously , I'm messed up . Is it her fault , or is it mine ? If its mine , does she thinks so ? IF its hers , does she admits so ?  Questions ... my best enemy , no matter how much I hate you , yet i need you to go on . 

I need money . No seriously . I can't burden my parents anymore . I know they don't have much to offer when it comes to money . Yet I am still thankful .

I need to clear my room . 

I need life , to be healthy .

I need God .

I dislike you alvin . No i dun hate you , i just dislike .Not enjoyable to be around you . Don't ask why , its just you . Hope I'll one day like you  . Maybe ?

Wei wan , I dunnoe ... I only call you because i'm lonely . So please don't ignore me , eventhough i know you are busy . And I know you are still worried that I might love you again . But no , I don't think so . I'll see what the future beholds .

Rosevelt , its just a code name for another sweet girl in my life  . I don't love  . I may like you , but no , I dun love you . You're young , live , carpe diem .

JC , you need the smilling pills manufactured by GOD Sdn. Bhd . It'll work , I promise. =]

Chians , have I lost you  ? I dunnoe . Should I continue to care , and pray ? I don't know . I'm not much in your lives anymore . I'm sorry , I really am .

Eunice , come to church because God love you , so much that he gave his life . First be to god, then to friends . Or else , please ......

I'm having a headache .

I miss tebrau .

Rachel , I'm worried about you . 

Kian Yee , open your eyes and ears . You'll see God is too real to be said UNreal .

Pei yun , I'm sorry , I can't keep my mouth shut sometimes and go overboard . Really sorry .

Alvin lim . I love you , brotherly . And I don't understand what happens in you . Only Jesus can help you . I'll introduce you to him . 

life is good , when it is good .

Is someone tells you a christian life is easy , that is the furthest form the truth . If tis easy for you , are you compromising ?

I hate gays , and anything close to that. 

Caleb I miss you  .

Agnes , staying a virgin is all I hope you will be . I really am worried sometimes . Not that i love you , no far from that , but i do care for you . =]

I Miss my old friends  in tebrau . like joshua .

I want to jam with some "holy lighters" . I want to meet jaslyn one day . and her sister  . They're  real cool folks . should be interesting talking to them .

I need to stop laughing sometimes .

its 1:15a.m. I need to sleep .

Poof out.

Valiante Vinceo .

time , life , parents. not there .

These few days have been usual , eventhough people who knew my life would say I'm not . Come'on , seriously , how can ok be usual , when not okay is the usual . Apparently, i think i hsould outgrow my youthful naiveness and smack head into reality1 . I should stop look down at how pitiful I think I am , and look on the bright side and love God . 

Stupid Humans .

We're all stupid . Humans , yes exactly , humans are 100% stupid . We are always unsatisfied . We have a crave for more food than we need . We have a taste for beauty , that isn't an nescescity in life . We are willing to hurt ourself , thinking we will get a greater benefit by doing so( stupid youthful , puppy love ) We do things that are wrong , and make entertainment out of it . We accept things that a logical animal would understand its not right , We sometimes love the same sex , and mate , something that even animals understand that it can't be right . I can't believe how possibly more stupid humans can be  ...  I mean , COME"ON!!!!! wake you filthy gays and idiotic lesbians !!!! GOD CREATER A HOLE AND A STICK TO FIT IN NICELY , EVEN KINDERGARDEN KIDS UNDERSTAND TWO STICKS DUN FIT, AND TWO HOLES DUN WORK .

Love yourself , please . 

If you can't find love , Find God . He's got plenty to spare . Don't join the idiocity of anti-christ . They are the worst of " brain-ed kind ".

I read revelation , and I cried . I know ~ I know~ ...... .. . . .. . . I cried .

it was the part where it says ." I am Knocking at your door , whoever opens the door , i will come in and eat with , and him with me "

I could interpret it as . ....... Company.

We're all looking for companys . We got lonely , and thats normal , cause made us like that . That we may fellowship and grow . 

I've been impossibly lonely . .. . .. .    .      . a bit . Its the NOT usual . Cause i'm never lonely . But why ? Is loneliness the real reason of my agony ? Or was it because I'm being appreciated ( enough ) ? 

thinking back it may be . My parent's think of my as a very independant person . I can survive with just food . No problemo. They can love me here , and minister to others for like TWO WEEKS , and they expect that i treat them as if they're not gone . Do they appreciate me as their son . I don't know . 

I have talents . I go for competitions . Starting early , I had Choral speaking . I got into the states competition , and they have never been there to support me in anyway . Fine , strike one . Still bearable . I dance for my school event . They're not there . Fine , strike two , still bearable . I acted drama in my primary school event . They're not there . Strike three . I played guitar , I played for church , had my first concert . They're not there . Strike four . I played chinese yoyo , had Three different performances . they're not there . Strike 5 . I played guitar for a functions for Trinity Rockschool . Not there ! Maths E.nopi Competition . Came in late . 

Today , I played for another music schools function . They're not there . I had to follow my friends parents there . Are they really that busy ? My dad's watching a japanese movie when I came back . And my mom the famous busy body was sleeping . AND WHY ????? Becuase She's So busybody , she was helping thomas to do a chinese maritual ritual ( ti2 ching1) . 

Okay , if you're gonna say they were tired because of the bible quiz in the morning . COME ON !!!!! YOU MISSED ALMOST EVERYONE OF MY PEFORMANCES . ARE YOU GUYS SO BLIND THAT YOU DUN SEE THAT I NEED SOME SUPPORT HERE .  

Mom : Stop stepping into other peoples business , and leave your " PRIORITY WORK " to me . I'm not gonna help you . I need you freaking attention . Stop talking on the phone . no seriously i mean it , you're neglecting your main priority as a mother .  

Dad : You've done a good job being a dad , I just need more time from you . 

conclusion : my parent's support has been given to the church , and they are partly ( mostly ) not giving me enough attention . . . as a teenager . So you weaklings , and heavy laden people , Be of gratitude , i'm sacrificing something here , so that you may be blessed.

I'm lonely . I need you God .

sPot

A spot .
Small and insignificant .
Of what lived understood .
Unseen , understated , miscomprehended .

A spot .
Makes Differences .
Makes something perfect ,imperfect .
Makes something beautiful, not .

How long can this spot make its influence ,
Depends on how long it took for one to understand ,
The difference one spot can make .
Impurity , imperfection , totally distinguished .

A difference ,an infinity .
Ended with this one spot .

Biology : Rapid transformation

This Video is done when people start getting curious about skeletons . =]

random

Keep me heart ,

Hold me light ,

So innocent .

King of love ,

Lord most high

So beautiful ,

So loved .

Glowing star .

Keep my heart .

Lovely ,

how beautiful you are .

Love me ,

knowing the splendour of thy heart.

Little did I know,

How much more ,

I survived ,

solely because of you .

distinguished between beauty ... .. . .  .

and the broken ... . .. . .  .   .   .    .    . 

Wings again

Sometimes i wonder . why do i desire to have wings that much ,

its like abnormal .

spastic thoughts are just the beginning .

question , questions , questionss .

answer?

The desire is back . especially when i'm wearing my green oversized sweater.

I'll wear it tomorrow . cause seriously i look more comfortable in it .

I went to the shaver today . no a barber particularly .

cause i was mostly shaved .

I was scolded 5 mins straight by the headmaster in his office .

and it seemed like a ages inside . 

Its been really long since i've gotten any diciplinary problems.

and of all of the things ..... hair.

I mean come -on .. . . ... .   .  . . . .. . .. .. .... ........

I was starting to enjoy long-er hair .( it wasn't really that long)

but anyway , one thing my headmaster said hit me .

" You are not from this school are you ? why don't you go back to your former school , than come here and give me trouble."

It hurts though .

I was beggining to feel at home in molek .

oh yeah , i took a photo hugging a guy . 

i know it sounds gay ,

it was just for fun .

I really like girls in the inside , not 1 bit gayish .

and seriously , i'm very against gays .

Valiante Vinceo

today . not what you think it was. but it is .

More than i have ever hoped for , i felt misplaced . To be in malaysia , to be here . I wanted to be out there . To be places where I can feel , .... .. .. . . ..   quiet .. . . .. ....... . . . . . . . 

Sometimes i compare myself to the ones around me , 

and think to myself , what good am I?

I can't study . I don't look as good . 

I'm not exactly smart , just a look like , a cover .

I saw photos of her  ,

decorating baked cookies ,

with colourful sweet topings ,

with little time , she blends her mixtures ,

with tender love , hard effort , and maybe , just maybe ,

her emotions .

beautiful as it has been , but time has been to pityful of me .

this went on without people that has eyes to see ,

or ears to hear , to be there to feel with me .

maybe there was , but nobody but myself was able to feel,

the full , the greatest extend .

Time , Thank you  .

you have been a remedy.

to life , soul , and mind .

Despite my stupidity and stuborness ,

you went on with you road . 

and brought my present to pass .

Beauty , may not be frequently be in my eyes anymore ,

as I have become quick to judgement ,

with a alibi , saying its is for your good .

But is it?

Girls that seem so immature ,

or are they growing ,

was I like that , 

chattering away , laughing into the wind that passes by.

questionable it is .

isn't it?

Maybe I still am ,

but surely , I was . So why am I judging like i was any better .

Sueanne , I have understood your argument .

About judging .

But have you understood about mine ?

About loyalty?

meaningless , meaningless, everything is meaningless ...

without christ ,

everything , and I meant everything , is meaningless .

live and let live my friend . 

carp e die m .

proverb of my day,

" In the end it will be okay , If its not okay . . . . 

then it is not the end ."

Valiante Vinceo , L33Sa , Vinceo , Vincentq . 

Sux

what has life come to be ,

knowing what is right ,

yet not doing it .

the reason of living , that circums to nothing?

what on earth are you doing?

lazying around , having your own pity party .

wake up for goodness sake .

turn your eyes on Jesus.

Adam took the fruit of life and death ,

for a price , that we may see good and evil .

but in this generation , does it make any difference .

COME ON !!!! TELL ME , DOES IT MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE?????

we shake our heads ,

curse the politics ,

point the fingers ,

and scold vulgarity at those who did nothing .

we feel emo-lised , to look pityful ,

Shut people up who try to care ,

then blame others for being what you are ,

then feel bad for wad we've become .

then say , that we are confused .

when it all comes down to one thing .

why are we compromising to this world .

disgusting .

flithy .

Evil .

sinful .

so , what are you doing?

exams / limewire 5.1 lags

Exams are here , yet I feel no urge (urgency) to pick up my book and bury my face into it like the rest of my classmates . Seriously , somethings wrong with me , I can't sit at a table more than 1 hour . How do you guys do it , studying for 5 hours straight . Its inhuman... 

I've given up on Love . Not the family love , friendship love and blah , blah  , blah ... You know wad i mean , the lovey dovey , idiotic love that most teenagers play with , of which after sometime they come out with hurts everywhere . . .crushed? Where some that gets the good side of it , tries to prove me entirely wrong in my face . And some still day dream about like a lil kid who looks forward for the consistant ice-cream day once a week. Some even write " hope you find your true love " in peoples birthday card , when you should seriously write something else more ... brained?

I've found the total idiotic side of this merry go round . Or maybe  should just rephrase as , Merry-HURT-round . How ironic ? Yet I do not deny that I am a 17 year old ,         despo         , even so much more I desire to feel the accompanyment of someone else by me . 

I've develop a new theory , or maybe just a theory i've heard . Every man , no matter the age , has a little boy in him . He will show it from time to time . As for me , i show it all time i guess . I like to jump in my seat , stick out my tongue , laugh uncontrolably , and do the rolling fist action . I don't use to do that in tebrau . Is it true then , that you are the outcomes of your surroundings  ? 

Limewire 5.1 is fine on function . BUT LAGS LIKE SHxT . No serious , ever seen a sloth climb up the tree . That is how my come works when i installed Limewire 5.1 . After i uninstalled it , FOOOMMMmmm..!!! ferrari F1 . 

I did fine for ESt today . wrote about a thousand words in total for the essay . B.M. was cool , easy , i hope SPM was that also . English . Gosh , to think of it , i was totally drained of brain power and loss the will to write . Sux . Needless to say , modern maths , i'll get a hundred this time . Or just maybe . 

Sneezing my head of now . Thinking that the cause may be the accumilating webs of dust on the corners of my room . Could somebody clear it  . Or I should just clear it myself . ARghg.h...... i'm talking to myself more frequent. 

gtg finish my 5 page chem hw that my pregnant teacher has so sweatishly put in much effort . 

btw. its a boy .

valiante vinceo

articulate

1.sneezing .

2. having a seriously hard tongue to control

3. disgusted by some people , which on the other hand is as disgusting as me =p

4. going to sing in school , solo , louis armstrong , " What a Wonderful World "

I've always wished i could have wings . the feeling when you stretch your bare back out , you want to feel wings sprouting out . And then take flight and fly away, form your problems , to the sky , where there is no boundaries . 

thats how i'm feeling now .

Today I was being made fun of to have liked Ivy Gan . She's nice , she's pretty , but she doesn't like me , and neither should i even consider at all . She's just not my kind , or maybe i haven't forgot wei wan. Gosh .. .  what am I ?

Having two ulcers faced opposite of each other in my mouth is a total torture , especially when you can't eat properly . sux right ?

how crappy the life of vincent tan can be . we'll see boy , we'll see .

for the time being i need to cultivate the habit of talking to god . and not feel guilty for once

valiante de maske

First piece of art.

my first piece of art . from photoshop cs4.

to dear simon

Dear Simon , 

Thank you for visiting my humble blog , and comment with honesty . I would not blame you , as i do not know the level of your capability in comprehending your surroundings . In other words , maturity . Here are some points i would like to point out  , so that you would understand my point of view for this blog .

1. This is my blog . I have sovereinity over this entire blog . I say wad i want , as long as it doesn't provoke a second party . Of which i have yet to do , and hereby doing it for your sake . Apparently , this is suppose to be my own personal blog . I wanted to leave it discreet and non-publical . But i find it a way to express myself , freely so that people ( those who constanly give me support) could know what is currently running in my life . 

2. This is your problem . You can read my blog in anyway you wish to , upside down , left to right or vice versa . You are allowed to comment too. If you think your comments will benefit me , by all means , i'm all ears . But if your comments are all out to discourage me , and you daringly post it on my chatbox , it only shows what kind of person you are . If you are a christian  , then learn the fundamentals of the christian community . "Learn their needs , and help them . " 

3. You are still a welcome reader , but your name is disgraced . Hope you'll wake up .

Vincent tan 

beauty

Listening to Corrine May , 

I naturally moved my body slowy , 

making arches with arms , 

bending , turning slowly , 

feeling freedom ,

Appreciating the art of dance. 

I found myself to really like ballet .

Or maybe modern ballet , if there is such a thing .

But I guess I'm just too heavy weight for that kind of thing .

Maybe i should just keep this a secret of mine , 

and face my windows that acts as a mirror at night .

Seriously , I should be more optimistic .

and seriously , I think its about i time i should get back .

and seriously , I should learn to listen to advices , for example the " despo theory ",

Danny said i was going through .

Ivy Gan Shea Yin . Lovely name don't you think ?

she's sweet . 

A mesmerising smile . Beautiful lips .

she has an elegant posture . 

attractive eyes . 

speaks english , yet has a strong chinese base .

the kind i would always have wished for .

is she going to be the one .

gosh , i remember the last time I felt like this ,

the last time I let my heart flail .

remembering the times i was burnt out ,

emo-lised . 

I hated all that . 

Just because she didn't love me the way I love her . 

will history repeat itself ?

wake up fatboy .

Run .

Haivng weird dreams lately .

only to find they were all very meaningful.

dream 1: I was crying , being touched by God .

dream 2: I was forced into an arranged marriage by my parents . with a 12 year old girl . I'm not going to say who

dream 3: I was chased by zombies . 

seriously , nobody would have understood these dreams.

Until joseph told me the meaning ,

1. God showed me he was going to change me , heal me from inside , thats why i'm crying .

2. My parent's represent a authority figure . And god shows me that i have to trust him , when it comes to love matters .

3. i'm chased by problems that never die , I should face them instead of running .

besides that , i'm seeing things .

like people who look exactly like yee sue anne .

there was this girl in form 2 in my school ,

i was stunned at how similiar her features were alike of sue anne .

she did that exact same " look up " move sue anne gave me during teenz camp .

seriously , i hate it .

i hope she has already understood what i meant .

and forgiven me  .

sadly.

valiante

Adios Caleb Changra Pillay .

. Caleb Chandra Pillay .

Man of a Mighty God

With greatest thanks , and gratitude

I say from the bottom of my heart ,

Thank you for being a friend .

A Lil history of me and caleb :

I Got to know Caleb as long as my memory could tell me . I think as young as 3. But my guess is he knew me even i was younger . He was three years older than me , and still is . I remember playing with him a lot when i meet him every friday ( in care group ) and sunday ( in church , the bakawali lot .) And I remember the time when I Boasted how hard it was to spell the word C.A.R ( i was 4 and he was 7 ) , and he embarrassed me by spelling it in my face almost intantly =x .hahhahaha , it was funny then .I got to know Caleb Chandra's full name when i was 4 , when his brother( joseph ) told me.

At age 5 , I got to trully understand that he is a half chinese and half indian , and to know that his father is an indian ( cause i always thought indians have a red dot between the eyes =x ).

Around 7 we were good friends , with a bunch of other children whose parent's were pioneers of the church . There were , me , Caleb , Joseph , Denise , Nicole , Zachary ( zoe wasn't born yet , sorry ) , Sameul , Sarah , Sharon, Joel , Rebekah , Benjamin , Charissa , Belicia , Jeremy , Janice , Joanne , Aaron and maybe someothers that my memory has failed to tell me =x .We were young and WE ..... RUN FREE .... hahaa . It was good memory . I remember the time where all the kids had differrent generation of digimon gadgets and Takamochi digital pets , my parents and calebs parent's didn't want us to play , and so we were like the kids who stood together and watch the others play .... ish i sound so dramatic . haha ....

Around 10 , i got see him lesser , as I don't see him that much anymore , because there was a new service in church call the sat night service . And I attend the sunday morning services . So we dun meet.

Around 13-15 , I started to stay back after TEENz ( which was before sat night services ) to have guitar classes . So i got to talk to them more often . We talk more and became Really good friends . We talked about music , life and Girls . Speaking about girls , I remember in 2006 , when i went to G.A.P missions in thailand with him , we slept in the same Wooden Chalet on the hills . We slept together on the wooden floor and talked all night about girls , NOT KNOWING WE WERE HEARD BY THE GIRLS IN THE NEXT CHALET . ( Crap!!! ) . So yeah , it was quite memorable . I remember him having girl problem when Miss Foon yew girl , Miss E , and RBC came into his life one after another . Thus , making him a good advisor for me when different girls came in my life too ( Okay i'll make it fair , they were miss tkl , miss k.o, miss S.a , miss J.L ) . But still , despite his numerous advices , i still played with fire and got burned ( sorry bro) . We became good music mates as sometimes supply him with new Christian music and he suplies me with some good stuff too . I remember the time when we had a rave for switchfoot and later Relient K ( it was then i was severely Punk-e-tized. =p )

At 15 , We wrote our first song together , " Catch the Fire " which became the TEENz Camp 2007 camp song . Around the same year , we had crazy ideas like starting a small designing company call " GOBSMAK " of which never came to be . haha ... In the same year i went in to some deep girl problem , where he stood by me . And of which i thank him too .

At 16 , We were into things a lot , trying to write more songs , tried out new stuff , trying to join band competitions. I went into higher ranks in WMM Musicians as he got into a higher level to as he started worship leading. We jam a lot after sat night services , always me caleb and Jospeph ( my loyal friend and drummer ) . We discuss about music , dynamics in music , and how those music would help us . We became "quite the same" in the way we rate girls , have about the same taste of music , really good friends .

At 17 , we wrote our last song before he left for tasmania , its not done yet , but it will be . Soon .

Yesterday , I was there to see him off , to go into the departure gates , i didn't cry . And i'm not sure why . Maybe becuse i'm happy for him , to see how God has led him to greater heights , greater levels of life . I truly thank God for a friend like him .

Vincent Tan .

Friend, And Fellow Song Writer , bandmate . =]

( ps: this written for you , caleb , hope you saw this =].)

17th birthday

A very blessed Birthday to me . I know I have been extremely estatic today . its like i've seriously taken some estacy .

Thanks to my father who text me eventhough he's in some island in china.

And mom too .

Thanks to my lovely bunch of classmates , who yelled " Happy Birthday Vincent " in the compound where thousands of students gather . Getting so much attention, I returned a graceful bow in gratitude.hahahha

thanks to Philip tan from melbourne , Agnes from Ohio State Uni , US . Rebekah cheng from UK . Zhen yang from KL . Denise Ong From KL .

And Jeremy and Joanne Chian , Amy Liew , Caleb Chandra , Ong Xi Zhe . Tew Bai Er ,Luke Lim , Peter Ng , Aunty Lynn , Uncle Koon ....From JB .

And of course special thanks to my respected aunt Ming Hui , who gave me some good advices .

Special thanks to my cell leader joseph lok . and a bunch of people he brought to my house IN A VAN . Charles , Sarah , Salem , Joshua goh , hui peng .

Thanks to Amy and huihui , who sang me a happy birthday song .

Thanks to my fellow prefects , who wanted to a-lo-ba , me , but didn't have enough people to carry me . hahhaha

thanks to janet , eventhough i know you couldn't wish me happy birthday .

Thanks to all those people who did wish me happy birthday , and I forgot , really sorry . But you guys were cool too .

And thanks to those people who said would buy me a gift on birthday But didn't , never mind , you thoughts were counted . still love you guys .

thanks to all of you , you guys have made me one happy man .

Vincent , Birthday Boy . =]

birthday

My birthday is tomorrow . wish me .

Not the ordinary "happy Blessed birthday "

But something from you heart .

Something that makes feel how special I am to you .

Just remember , I will do the same for you .

ah.....crap . wad am I talking about .

Just wish me .

i'll be more than happy that you did . =] 

i'm apologetic

Have I brought you pain ?

-Four times .

How I felt about it ?

-I felt regretful .

Wad am I thinking of ?

-What was it that I've done to bring you pain .

Why ?

-Because it hurts me to know that I've hurt you unconsiously .

Describe your current feelings .

- I'm apologetic .

Are we wearing a masks . an invisible masks . A mask that conceals our identity ? A masks that deceives people of who you really are ? Which sums up to a question , who or what are you ?

So many question bursts in my head,

Questions that were asked throughout the ages .

Who am I ?

Am I wearing a mask ?

Are you ? Vincent , vincent .

Why the different appearance ?

Why the different atitude?

Why the different behaviour ?

Are you real ?O Vincent , vincent .

questioning about his existant ,

when he was there all the time you needed him most.

Future ,past or present .

Who are you ? 

The one i see in the mirror .

The one with eyes filled with anger .

The one I felt so familiar with .

Are you a mask , a put on ?

One I use to play my drama ?

Just an act ?

Is this who I am? or is this just reality .

If i'm also an act , a mask wear ,

why do I then condemn you  ?

Was it because I felt cheated .

or isit because I feel so much pain inside , 

Is it because i fell in love with a mask ?

Did I really fell in love , with a mask ?

questions ... masks ... hatred ...

I hate the sight of you . Away from me .

I beg of you.